EuroShame
I'm doing my best to compose myself...but it's not easy.
The men, women, boys and girls of this nation in which I reside have, in their infinitesimal wisdom, chosen Scooch to represent the British Isles in Helsinki. Four 30-something never-has-beens, dressed as airline trolley dollies, making innuendous interjections about "something to suck on while you land, sir?" over a backing track that probably once nearly made it as a Steps B-side. Thanks guys.
I initially felt encouraged by the huge studio, the modern set, and by the general standard of presentation. I got into the spirit of things, feeling a little sorry for Brian Harvey as I watched his mum wipe his mouth for him in the postcard VT (someone tell me you saw this too - tragic), and even when he subsequently strained his way through the 3 minutes of his constipation-station ballad I felt uncomfortable, but safe. I thought the studio panel of 41 European neighbours was a nice touch. And I was delighted to see my tip, Cyndi, make it to the final 2.
Then it all went wrong.
Sir Terry Wogan, the face of BBC, announced the wrong winner. This was an out-and-out live television disaster. I don't care if you're a knight of the British Empire or if you get paid for charity work or whatever. If you are building up to an exciting finale of a televote, with only two possible winners, you have to get the bloody winning name right. After Terry's blunderous announcement that Cyndi had won, there followed a dreadful comedy of errors where his co-host Fearne Cotton had to consult her ear-piece and confirm that Scooch were indeed the winners, in the midst of all the ticker tape and cheering in celebration of Cyndi. As if it wasn't insulting enough to have four grown oompa loompas (who literally have the wrinkles to show for how much they should know better) "Flying the Flag" for us in Helsinki, we were cruelly misled into thinking that somehow a sea change in British public opinion had resulted in them actually having some blimmin wit. But so it is that I shall be having nightmares about those four orange faces until at least May 12th. And if they win in Helsinki, friends, I might never recover.
I never thought I'd see the day, but Zoe Salmon, you have been knocked off the top spot on my GFY (God Forgive You) chart.
I think we should all just take a minute's silence for what the British public has done to us.
(...and I don't have the heart to even get into my conspiracy theory that Big Brovaz were deliberately kept out of the final 2 in MYMU because their song actually contravenes the EBU rules for song submission, having been available as a demo in early 2006)
The men, women, boys and girls of this nation in which I reside have, in their infinitesimal wisdom, chosen Scooch to represent the British Isles in Helsinki. Four 30-something never-has-beens, dressed as airline trolley dollies, making innuendous interjections about "something to suck on while you land, sir?" over a backing track that probably once nearly made it as a Steps B-side. Thanks guys.
I initially felt encouraged by the huge studio, the modern set, and by the general standard of presentation. I got into the spirit of things, feeling a little sorry for Brian Harvey as I watched his mum wipe his mouth for him in the postcard VT (someone tell me you saw this too - tragic), and even when he subsequently strained his way through the 3 minutes of his constipation-station ballad I felt uncomfortable, but safe. I thought the studio panel of 41 European neighbours was a nice touch. And I was delighted to see my tip, Cyndi, make it to the final 2.
Then it all went wrong.
Sir Terry Wogan, the face of BBC, announced the wrong winner. This was an out-and-out live television disaster. I don't care if you're a knight of the British Empire or if you get paid for charity work or whatever. If you are building up to an exciting finale of a televote, with only two possible winners, you have to get the bloody winning name right. After Terry's blunderous announcement that Cyndi had won, there followed a dreadful comedy of errors where his co-host Fearne Cotton had to consult her ear-piece and confirm that Scooch were indeed the winners, in the midst of all the ticker tape and cheering in celebration of Cyndi. As if it wasn't insulting enough to have four grown oompa loompas (who literally have the wrinkles to show for how much they should know better) "Flying the Flag" for us in Helsinki, we were cruelly misled into thinking that somehow a sea change in British public opinion had resulted in them actually having some blimmin wit. But so it is that I shall be having nightmares about those four orange faces until at least May 12th. And if they win in Helsinki, friends, I might never recover.
I never thought I'd see the day, but Zoe Salmon, you have been knocked off the top spot on my GFY (God Forgive You) chart.
I think we should all just take a minute's silence for what the British public has done to us.
(...and I don't have the heart to even get into my conspiracy theory that Big Brovaz were deliberately kept out of the final 2 in MYMU because their song actually contravenes the EBU rules for song submission, having been available as a demo in early 2006)
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