This is the closest thing to cowshit I have ever seen…
...Feeling 52, acting seventeen.
Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid.
Well, at least a little anxious anyway.
In my last post I stated that by taking on Carola, Diego (competitor in Spanish Eurovision selection process ‘Misíon Eurovisíon’) clearly did not know what he was messing with. This was the last thing that I did before being struck down by a mysterious illness. It appears that it is I who did not know The Force that I was dealing with. As soon as I had clicked the ‘post’ button, Our Carola who art in Sweden, got to work with some sort of me-shaped voodoo diarrhoea doll. On reflection, I’m not quite sure how that would work. But it did. I have only just recovered. Every word is watched (and this is a blog that seems impossible to find by google or any other means). If this were not evidence enough, She is dusting off her bible as we speak and IS on the next flight out to Madrid. It is not long announced that The Haggkvist is to perform the song of her second coming (“Fångad av en Stormvind”, or as we like to say in English “Captured by a Love Storm”) at the Misíon Eurovisíon Grand Final. Somebody’s going to be captured by something before the night is out. Let’s hope customs have the sense to do a full body cavity search and get that pot plant out of her. Sadly, Diego has not made it to the final. I doubt that this will matter much. There is no escape. *I have been shitting myself all week. Literally.
*“It’s getting very exshiteing Pat. Isn’t it?” (Ronan Keating school of pronunciation).
As the excitement grows into a frenzy, here is a quick review of some of the songs that were chosen at the weekend.
Norway: Beyond cliché 2002 rip off. Little risk of escape from the semi-final. Hopefully. Remove the central ‘r’ for Norway’s chances. Watch it here.
After spending the entire Norwegian performance wondering when it would be over (even though there was a You Tube countdown clock and all Eurovision songs last 3 mins max), I had my hopes pinned on Denmark.
Denmark: Beyond cliché 2002 rip off. Little risk of escape from the semi-final. Hopefully. Remove the 'enm' to see how this selection day will be viewed. Watch it here.
Oh dear.
However, there is a pattern to my Eurovision year. I hear the songs for the first time. I am disappointed. 50 listens later I have lost all sense of discretion and I am clapping along with the best of them. The problem with both of these is that the itching to get to the end of them was so intense that I am convinced that I will never voluntarily listen to these songs again outside live Eurovision broadcasts. I also watched failed Norwegian finalists and “EBU worriers”, ‘Dusty Cowshit’ to see what might have been. In a textbook display of “you want what you can’t have” and “the grass is always greener” I thought this was far better craic and, in my opinion a better song than the eventual winner. I think I would have taken my chances with any kind of cowshit over these two.
Romania: A departure from their very good last few dancy entries that all made me want to get up and go out dancing in 1992. Well only the last two really, Sanda wasn’t very good, I admit. This is a Romany style ‘um pa pa’, quickening with each verse to a frantic finish, making me want to go out in London in the 1800’s with Nancy from ‘Oliver!’. If this multi-lingual, blokey, clap along is performed well it is bound to be a crowd pleaser. Fan reactions appear to be equally split between disbelief and horror. Time will tell if Euroexperts are out of step with the general European viewing public. Again. Watch it here.
And now I know that there's a link between the two,
Being close to cowshit and being close to you.
Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid.
Well, at least a little anxious anyway.
In my last post I stated that by taking on Carola, Diego (competitor in Spanish Eurovision selection process ‘Misíon Eurovisíon’) clearly did not know what he was messing with. This was the last thing that I did before being struck down by a mysterious illness. It appears that it is I who did not know The Force that I was dealing with. As soon as I had clicked the ‘post’ button, Our Carola who art in Sweden, got to work with some sort of me-shaped voodoo diarrhoea doll. On reflection, I’m not quite sure how that would work. But it did. I have only just recovered. Every word is watched (and this is a blog that seems impossible to find by google or any other means). If this were not evidence enough, She is dusting off her bible as we speak and IS on the next flight out to Madrid. It is not long announced that The Haggkvist is to perform the song of her second coming (“Fångad av en Stormvind”, or as we like to say in English “Captured by a Love Storm”) at the Misíon Eurovisíon Grand Final. Somebody’s going to be captured by something before the night is out. Let’s hope customs have the sense to do a full body cavity search and get that pot plant out of her. Sadly, Diego has not made it to the final. I doubt that this will matter much. There is no escape. *I have been shitting myself all week. Literally.
*“It’s getting very exshiteing Pat. Isn’t it?” (Ronan Keating school of pronunciation).
As the excitement grows into a frenzy, here is a quick review of some of the songs that were chosen at the weekend.
Norway: Beyond cliché 2002 rip off. Little risk of escape from the semi-final. Hopefully. Remove the central ‘r’ for Norway’s chances. Watch it here.
After spending the entire Norwegian performance wondering when it would be over (even though there was a You Tube countdown clock and all Eurovision songs last 3 mins max), I had my hopes pinned on Denmark.
Denmark: Beyond cliché 2002 rip off. Little risk of escape from the semi-final. Hopefully. Remove the 'enm' to see how this selection day will be viewed. Watch it here.
Oh dear.
However, there is a pattern to my Eurovision year. I hear the songs for the first time. I am disappointed. 50 listens later I have lost all sense of discretion and I am clapping along with the best of them. The problem with both of these is that the itching to get to the end of them was so intense that I am convinced that I will never voluntarily listen to these songs again outside live Eurovision broadcasts. I also watched failed Norwegian finalists and “EBU worriers”, ‘Dusty Cowshit’ to see what might have been. In a textbook display of “you want what you can’t have” and “the grass is always greener” I thought this was far better craic and, in my opinion a better song than the eventual winner. I think I would have taken my chances with any kind of cowshit over these two.
Romania: A departure from their very good last few dancy entries that all made me want to get up and go out dancing in 1992. Well only the last two really, Sanda wasn’t very good, I admit. This is a Romany style ‘um pa pa’, quickening with each verse to a frantic finish, making me want to go out in London in the 1800’s with Nancy from ‘Oliver!’. If this multi-lingual, blokey, clap along is performed well it is bound to be a crowd pleaser. Fan reactions appear to be equally split between disbelief and horror. Time will tell if Euroexperts are out of step with the general European viewing public. Again. Watch it here.
And now I know that there's a link between the two,
Being close to cowshit and being close to you.
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