the phantom of the opera
Hello chickies
New year new euro! The optimism ends here for me, however, as I have grave concerns that the powers that be across europe (aka drunk televoters and desperate belarussian housewives) may not be taking their responsibilities seriously enough. February has scarcely begun and already we have a clutch of entries for what will be the largest contest in its history. Unfortunately it been downhill since Albania, and Albania was pretty much at sea level to begin with. Those who feared 42 sour-faced lesbian power ballads should have been more careful what they wished for, as even Eastern Europe seems to be taking the piss this year. Much has been made of Ireland's prospective entry from a stuffed turkey named Dustin, with all the predictable cries of "Ireland sends a turkey, what's new???" etc etc. Yet looking at the field so far, Dustin may well be wondering if he isn't risking his artistic integrity. Here are my meanderings on a few of the recent offerings...
I had high hopes for Azerbaijan. I liked the name. I liked the fact that I had learned a new word, "Azeri", meaning somebody from Azerbaijan. I especially liked the fact that they had put just three songs in their national final. One of them, i thought, was a perfect blend of ethno fem-rock to take to euro, a bit like putting PJ Harvey into a tagine, and out came Unformal with "The End":
Perfect. 12 points from a few friendly neighbours and a top ten finish, no problem. Things began to give way in the week leading up to the final with the annoucement that "the song that wins the national final may not be the song that goes to Belgrade". I smelt a rat. Yet nothing, nothing could quite have prepared me for my horror:
Apparently they have until February 15th to change their mind about the song. I have been in touch with Amnesty to start my letter writing campaign as inflicting this upon the unsuspecting ears of euroland must constitute a more serious breach of human rights even than scooch.
Things were not looking up in Lithuania either. Voters passed off the perfectly acceptable "Troy on Fire":
.. in favour of a man whose vocals and general demeanour could only have been the product of having been raised in a dark cave with nothing to live on but dry bread and barbara streisand's back catalogue.
Malta's effort at least offers some decent advice. I can see Wogan getting good mileage out of "Vodka", and out of "Morena" who indeed seems like she might be good craic on a night out. Yet she herself is much better than this blur of turbofolk-schlager fusion and its crass attempt at courting the Eastern European vote. Mine's a double, thanks, straight and no ice.
The Czech Republic was another one that rejected a rough diamond. "Józef, mój kochany" would probably have gone nowhere, but dignity at least would have been intact. Instead, we have Tereza advising "if you want to have some fun, don't run". Unfortunately, Tereza can't really sing. But she has nice earrings.
Estonia is just too awful for words, and as for Denmark, if you can watch it from start to finish without vomiting I will give you a pound.
Nightie night
xx
New year new euro! The optimism ends here for me, however, as I have grave concerns that the powers that be across europe (aka drunk televoters and desperate belarussian housewives) may not be taking their responsibilities seriously enough. February has scarcely begun and already we have a clutch of entries for what will be the largest contest in its history. Unfortunately it been downhill since Albania, and Albania was pretty much at sea level to begin with. Those who feared 42 sour-faced lesbian power ballads should have been more careful what they wished for, as even Eastern Europe seems to be taking the piss this year. Much has been made of Ireland's prospective entry from a stuffed turkey named Dustin, with all the predictable cries of "Ireland sends a turkey, what's new???" etc etc. Yet looking at the field so far, Dustin may well be wondering if he isn't risking his artistic integrity. Here are my meanderings on a few of the recent offerings...
I had high hopes for Azerbaijan. I liked the name. I liked the fact that I had learned a new word, "Azeri", meaning somebody from Azerbaijan. I especially liked the fact that they had put just three songs in their national final. One of them, i thought, was a perfect blend of ethno fem-rock to take to euro, a bit like putting PJ Harvey into a tagine, and out came Unformal with "The End":
Perfect. 12 points from a few friendly neighbours and a top ten finish, no problem. Things began to give way in the week leading up to the final with the annoucement that "the song that wins the national final may not be the song that goes to Belgrade". I smelt a rat. Yet nothing, nothing could quite have prepared me for my horror:
Apparently they have until February 15th to change their mind about the song. I have been in touch with Amnesty to start my letter writing campaign as inflicting this upon the unsuspecting ears of euroland must constitute a more serious breach of human rights even than scooch.
Things were not looking up in Lithuania either. Voters passed off the perfectly acceptable "Troy on Fire":
.. in favour of a man whose vocals and general demeanour could only have been the product of having been raised in a dark cave with nothing to live on but dry bread and barbara streisand's back catalogue.
Malta's effort at least offers some decent advice. I can see Wogan getting good mileage out of "Vodka", and out of "Morena" who indeed seems like she might be good craic on a night out. Yet she herself is much better than this blur of turbofolk-schlager fusion and its crass attempt at courting the Eastern European vote. Mine's a double, thanks, straight and no ice.
The Czech Republic was another one that rejected a rough diamond. "Józef, mój kochany" would probably have gone nowhere, but dignity at least would have been intact. Instead, we have Tereza advising "if you want to have some fun, don't run". Unfortunately, Tereza can't really sing. But she has nice earrings.
Estonia is just too awful for words, and as for Denmark, if you can watch it from start to finish without vomiting I will give you a pound.
Nightie night
xx
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