The silence that remains
Or shevvvashevishah as they say in Hebrew. Hiya! It's been a while but in the face of mounting hysteria at our absence in the full throws of euromovin' und shakin' I really felt I must rediscover ma voix.
Now then, for this time of year my musical sensitivities do undergo a certain metamorphosis, a shift in frame of reference shall we say, but seriously 2010? Am I just getting too old for this? I do not seem to be a lone voice in the wilderness in feeling that the standard of entries so far is way below par. That Keithy, par exemple, never does anything without a truckload of subtext and just I was beginning to despair, a poll appeared on his website to rate the standard of entries so far compared to usual.... 44% say "much worse than other years".
Notwithstanding, we're not even halfway yet and it's not all bad news. So I'll have a quick romp through what's been chosen so far and share my thoughts.
Albania were first off the mark as usual but less than usual is the fact this year's entrant looks to carry a tad more life experience than previous entrants. "Nuk mundem pa ty" does not call for us to celebrate a collective nuclear armageddon but instead will be sung as "it's all about you". It's the most contemporary thing that they have sent yet and she sings well with some pleasing growls. There's a Sam Sparrow black 'n gold vibe to it, but unlike previous Albanian entries I fear that this may not be a diamond in the rough but rather just an okay pop song that no amount of production can take much further.
Switzerland followed. Michael von der Hedie shall sing il pleut de l'or, or golden RAIN. Golden RAIN. And a gold lamé jacket to boot. Yuk. Aside from making me feel dirty when I watch him, the song is pleasing in a Radio Luxembourg kind of way and the backing singers add retro chic. It makes me think of learning French at school and words like "magnetophone" and "discothèque" and "zut alors". And "au revoir", for as much as I would love to see suisse break out of the doldrums, if this gets out of the semi I'll be be buying a matching jacket and getting my ears pinned forward for the final.
Finland next and "You can work for a living". Or dress up as bridesmaids and terrorise me with accordions and oom-pa-pah. This song makes me feel like I've had to go to a wedding on my own, where I know no-one, everyone is hammered and I'm not allowed to drink. Nightmarish but possibly useful for extortion, forced confessions, to induce vomiting in the event of a drug overdose or simply torture.
Iceland is very much a rehash of "this is my life" but with less conviction. The right elements are there: big juicy singer, key change, token pseudofrench catch-phrase but somehow it seems... empty. Norway meanwhile is all conviction and no substance. The obvious comparisons to "You Raise Me Up" have been made and with some sympathetic hysteria from the home crowd, this will do much better than it deserves to. Such shamelessly cynical ploys should be reserved for the God channel and footballers' funerals.
Next came the Netherlands and as one helpful Dutch commentator on youtube wrote, "Sjesus kraist". If I ever enjoy this, kill me. Another habitual perpetrator of crimes against eurobirds is Denmark (view previous repercussions here) who this year provide us with a couple with less sexual chemistry than Dorothy and the Tin Man who, as Wogan would put it, in the grand old tradition of Eurovision shout at each other with their faces 2 inches apart. "In a moment like this" begins as Every breath you take, then morphs into Simply the Best. They'd be no craic whatsoever on a night out, but it's vocally extremely polished and there are whispers of "qualifier" in that wind machine. I also reckon they'd get about 43 extra votes if they went up at the end of the final line of the song rather than down, non?
Cyprus doesn't seem to have tapped into the latterday ethnopop formulae that have brought success to Greece and Turkey. "Life looks better in Spring" is a pleasant, pop-rock number with an American teen-soap sound to it. Inoffensive, if a little dull. Also beware song titles with spring in them. People might feel the urge to put giant daisies in the backdrop. Meanwhile, perennial underachievers Poland made an odd choice from a strong national final line-up with Legenda. It's very dark and very dramatic and Marcin looks like the kind of man that might have a red rose in one hand and a great big rock in the other. Naaaaice.
Armenia. Armenia! I love them. Mostly. When they don't send men spurting fake blood over their shirts. I have been quite taken with "Apricot Stone" which apparently calls for peace and love all over the world. Lyrically, it also offers advice on good mothering: "But I was too scared to lose my fun, I began to cry a lot, and she gave me apricots". Despite a rather lacklustre national final performance I am sure they will tart it up artfully for euro, hopefully with a great big apricot meringue dress being stripped off to reveal a brown velvet leotard. The video is worth a look if only for the big bearded guy in the background getting very excited - he is perhaps the composer, or maybe Eva's dad.
Malta next. Thea Garrett's dream. My nightmare. Go away.
Oh macky macky macky. I always had a fondness for FYR Macedonia's quite particular blend of Balkan r 'n b and I am saddened that the last few years has been less mack 'n b and more mack 'n roll. Notwithstanding the dated guitar solo which will no doubt be mimed with obscene over-enthusiasm on the night, this is not the worst of them but I am bitter at having been denied a juicy girl with thick make-up and hot pants accompanied by highly distracting choreography for yet another year.
"Accordions have no place on a modern eurovision stage." Discuss. Slovenia. The prosecution rests. Timoteij. The defence rests also!
I will say no more about Spain as I know that Mr Thompson has quite strong personal feelings on the matter as well as having viewed an enjoyable fracas which I'm sure he will share with you. I leave you with Belarus, who it would appeared started their search for a eurostar on the wrong TV channel then declared the result void and sent the song that came 2nd. Good trick eh? Three Plus Two are the performers but - hold up! - I can only see three of them. And quite amusing cuts to some very unimpressed jury members. "Far Away" is an enjoyable rocky pop song with enthusiastic performers, a reasonable hook and and the usual unintelligible English lyrics.
All in all it's a far cry from vintage to date, but with only 15 down and some of the big hitters still to come it would be premature to write the show off just yet.
Now then, for this time of year my musical sensitivities do undergo a certain metamorphosis, a shift in frame of reference shall we say, but seriously 2010? Am I just getting too old for this? I do not seem to be a lone voice in the wilderness in feeling that the standard of entries so far is way below par. That Keithy, par exemple, never does anything without a truckload of subtext and just I was beginning to despair, a poll appeared on his website to rate the standard of entries so far compared to usual.... 44% say "much worse than other years".
Notwithstanding, we're not even halfway yet and it's not all bad news. So I'll have a quick romp through what's been chosen so far and share my thoughts.
Albania were first off the mark as usual but less than usual is the fact this year's entrant looks to carry a tad more life experience than previous entrants. "Nuk mundem pa ty" does not call for us to celebrate a collective nuclear armageddon but instead will be sung as "it's all about you". It's the most contemporary thing that they have sent yet and she sings well with some pleasing growls. There's a Sam Sparrow black 'n gold vibe to it, but unlike previous Albanian entries I fear that this may not be a diamond in the rough but rather just an okay pop song that no amount of production can take much further.
Switzerland followed. Michael von der Hedie shall sing il pleut de l'or, or golden RAIN. Golden RAIN. And a gold lamé jacket to boot. Yuk. Aside from making me feel dirty when I watch him, the song is pleasing in a Radio Luxembourg kind of way and the backing singers add retro chic. It makes me think of learning French at school and words like "magnetophone" and "discothèque" and "zut alors". And "au revoir", for as much as I would love to see suisse break out of the doldrums, if this gets out of the semi I'll be be buying a matching jacket and getting my ears pinned forward for the final.
Finland next and "You can work for a living". Or dress up as bridesmaids and terrorise me with accordions and oom-pa-pah. This song makes me feel like I've had to go to a wedding on my own, where I know no-one, everyone is hammered and I'm not allowed to drink. Nightmarish but possibly useful for extortion, forced confessions, to induce vomiting in the event of a drug overdose or simply torture.
Iceland is very much a rehash of "this is my life" but with less conviction. The right elements are there: big juicy singer, key change, token pseudofrench catch-phrase but somehow it seems... empty. Norway meanwhile is all conviction and no substance. The obvious comparisons to "You Raise Me Up" have been made and with some sympathetic hysteria from the home crowd, this will do much better than it deserves to. Such shamelessly cynical ploys should be reserved for the God channel and footballers' funerals.
Next came the Netherlands and as one helpful Dutch commentator on youtube wrote, "Sjesus kraist". If I ever enjoy this, kill me. Another habitual perpetrator of crimes against eurobirds is Denmark (view previous repercussions here) who this year provide us with a couple with less sexual chemistry than Dorothy and the Tin Man who, as Wogan would put it, in the grand old tradition of Eurovision shout at each other with their faces 2 inches apart. "In a moment like this" begins as Every breath you take, then morphs into Simply the Best. They'd be no craic whatsoever on a night out, but it's vocally extremely polished and there are whispers of "qualifier" in that wind machine. I also reckon they'd get about 43 extra votes if they went up at the end of the final line of the song rather than down, non?
Cyprus doesn't seem to have tapped into the latterday ethnopop formulae that have brought success to Greece and Turkey. "Life looks better in Spring" is a pleasant, pop-rock number with an American teen-soap sound to it. Inoffensive, if a little dull. Also beware song titles with spring in them. People might feel the urge to put giant daisies in the backdrop. Meanwhile, perennial underachievers Poland made an odd choice from a strong national final line-up with Legenda. It's very dark and very dramatic and Marcin looks like the kind of man that might have a red rose in one hand and a great big rock in the other. Naaaaice.
Armenia. Armenia! I love them. Mostly. When they don't send men spurting fake blood over their shirts. I have been quite taken with "Apricot Stone" which apparently calls for peace and love all over the world. Lyrically, it also offers advice on good mothering: "But I was too scared to lose my fun, I began to cry a lot, and she gave me apricots". Despite a rather lacklustre national final performance I am sure they will tart it up artfully for euro, hopefully with a great big apricot meringue dress being stripped off to reveal a brown velvet leotard. The video is worth a look if only for the big bearded guy in the background getting very excited - he is perhaps the composer, or maybe Eva's dad.
Malta next. Thea Garrett's dream. My nightmare. Go away.
Oh macky macky macky. I always had a fondness for FYR Macedonia's quite particular blend of Balkan r 'n b and I am saddened that the last few years has been less mack 'n b and more mack 'n roll. Notwithstanding the dated guitar solo which will no doubt be mimed with obscene over-enthusiasm on the night, this is not the worst of them but I am bitter at having been denied a juicy girl with thick make-up and hot pants accompanied by highly distracting choreography for yet another year.
"Accordions have no place on a modern eurovision stage." Discuss. Slovenia. The prosecution rests. Timoteij. The defence rests also!
I will say no more about Spain as I know that Mr Thompson has quite strong personal feelings on the matter as well as having viewed an enjoyable fracas which I'm sure he will share with you. I leave you with Belarus, who it would appeared started their search for a eurostar on the wrong TV channel then declared the result void and sent the song that came 2nd. Good trick eh? Three Plus Two are the performers but - hold up! - I can only see three of them. And quite amusing cuts to some very unimpressed jury members. "Far Away" is an enjoyable rocky pop song with enthusiastic performers, a reasonable hook and and the usual unintelligible English lyrics.
All in all it's a far cry from vintage to date, but with only 15 down and some of the big hitters still to come it would be premature to write the show off just yet.
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